• Dorila Balsamo

Crucifixion Decision

Christ was crucified in the center of two thieves. On one side, one ending up believing and on the other, one remained in unbelief. [Luke 23:39-43] At some point in our lives, we're all faced with a decision. The "crucifixion decision" ...putting to death our desire in exchange for His desire for our lives. When things are so bad and we don't know what to do, we come to a crossroad in our life. Will we believe or remain in unbelief? Will we choose to see or remain blind? Will we choose His way or our way?

I came to that point in my life when I was about 4 years married. My marriage was not an easy one, filled with lots of heartache. We started off young and pregnant. As time went by, it got worse and worse. Anger, selfishness and pride seeped into every area of our marriage and completely choked out any love we had for each other. It came to the point where there was no other way but to separate, so we did. Attempts to work at our marriage didn't work. Our marriage was deteriorating until there seemed nothing left, but to get divorced now. That didn't go too well either and it became very ugly quickly. What else was I to I thought???

I'll never forget coming face to face with reality. The truth that I'll be raising my son without his father and that I'm young and probably will make bad choices in men. As I thought about it for a moment, I realized it's not what I wanted. Even though I grew up in a broken home, I didn't want that for my son. It wasn't his choice to be brought in this world, but my responsibility to make his life the best I can and that meant sacrifice. It had to all start with my marriage. The only thing I knew to do was to look up and ask God. The conversation went something like this... "God, I never wanted this, a broken home for my son. I didn't want him to experience the life I did. I thought I tried everything. I did cartwheels for John, but I'm willing to do flips if I have to. I feel like I have only two choices... 1. To ask John if he wants to try again and if he says yes, I'll do whatever it takes to make it work. If not then... 2. You'll have to help me find a good church, so I can raise my son the right way and live a life of celibacy until my son is on his own then I'll think about my own life."

Well, I made the phone call. John cursed me out and hung up. My thought was... here I go life of celibacy!!! Two days later he called and asked to meet. We did and he said he was willing if we went to counseling to see if it would work. That was the first time I ever saw a difference in him. The counseling sessions were rough, but God did a BIG miracle and it was the first of many. My son and I gave John a card asking him to move back in. Its been a year since we were together as a family, but we found a new place and started a new life. In my heart I knew I had to start a relationship with God. He was the very reason all of this took place. A good friend of mine invited me to her church and we finally went. The moment I stepped into the church I felt I had found God. Something came alive in me. Whatever they were offering I wanted it. At the time, I didn't even understand what I was doing, but I did it anyways. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and got Baptized. A year later, John and my son did the same thing. It was a whole new life for us. It began the process of thinking differently, seeing things differently and doing things differently.

What crossroads are you facing? What decision are you about to make? Will you be like the "unbelieving thief" or the "believing thief"? But before you choose...look up, ask God and wait. You'll never know His possibilities until you lay down you're own capabilities.

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - [1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV]

Life On A Canvas
A Blog by Dorila Balsamo


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